Your value isn't just in what you can do for others.
You probably spend your day dealing with major responsibilities and the needs of others at the expense of your own energy and needs.
Maybe this shows up as:
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Difficulty setting firm limits on when you’re available
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Taking on extra work
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Staying far later than you need to, just to finish tasks that aren’t even yours
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You might find yourself over-compensating for others in both your professional and personal life, offering solutions before they are requested and working harder on other people’s problems than they are.
These tendencies leave you with little time for your own rest, and you might even feel physically uncomfortable whenever you consider saying “no.”
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Beyond your general workload, you’re spending a lot of mental energy trying to predict the reactions and moods of those around you.
In practice, this might look like:
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Editing your true feelings and opinions to avoid disagreement
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Apologizing for minor issues that weren’t your fault, just to keep a situation calm
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Agreeing to things that take more time, energy, and desire than you have
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You’re focusing on the comfort of others over yourself, simply to prevent the possibility of someone being disappointed. The constant checking of everyone else’s happiness can leave you feeling like all your worth is in what you can do for others, rather than who you are as an individual.
You started doing these things for other people because you’re a helpful, caring person who wants to feel like you’re doing good for those around them. But over time, what started as kindness can become a pattern that changes how you show up in every area of your life. When you are constantly taking care of everyone else’s needs, it changes the way you experience your own.
It's starting to impact you...
At Work
By constantly compensating for others or trying to fix their mistakes, you may start to feel like the "fixer" rather than the professional and leader you wanted to be. While you know you’re valued for the work you put out, you may find that you are passed over for growth opportunities because your time is consumed by your team’s responsibilities instead of your own.
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At Home
When you’re giving more than you receive, you may start to feel a growing sense of resentment toward the people you care about. It’s hard to feel connected to others when you feel like you’re just something to be used rather than a person with your own needs.
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In Your Relationships
In your personal life, interactions can start to feel like an obligation. Because you feel responsible for keeping the peace and making sure everyone else is comfortable, you may find yourself avoiding social plans because you don't have the energy to act like the agreeable version of yourself that others have come to know.
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Inside Yourself
After years of prioritizing what others want, you might notice that you can’t even remember what your own wants and needs are. This can show up in small ways, like having no opinion on weekend plans, and in larger ways, like feeling unsure of your career direction because you have spent so long doing what was expected of you instead of what you wanted.
Helping you prioritize your own needs and build balanced relationships
In therapy, you can develop the skills to lead your life based on your own values and needs, rather than the never-ending demands of everyone else. This means you get to step out of the "fixer" role so you can focus on the work you actually want to do. When you stop overcompensating for others, you’ll find you have the time and headspace to work on projects that matter to you and can make an impact. Decisions become much easier because you’re no longer filtering every choice through how it might disappoint someone else.
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This change in how you interact allows you to be more present in your personal life, free from the tension of managing everyone else's moods. Your relationships move from a sense of obligation to actual connection as the resentment from constant accommodation begins to fade. You can regain a clear sense of your wants, needs, preferences, and identity. You will move through your day feeling like a person with your own priorities, rather than a resource available for everyone else’s use.
As we work together, we’ll dig into what keeps you stuck in the “fixer” role, like the reflexive urge to cover for others’ mistakes or the way you check to see how everyone else is feeling before deciding how you feel. We’ll take a look at the rules you’ve been living by, like the belief that you're responsible for making sure everyone else is comfortable, and how those rules affect your daily life. We’ll look at the conversations where you agree to things you don’t want to do, the moments where you’re reluctant to give an opinion or preference, and the times you take on extra work just to avoid the guilt that might come with saying no.
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I’ll be direct and let you know when I see something important that you might not notice. I want to help you recognize your unhelpful patterns in real time so you can choose a different response. With time, you’ll start noticing that tendency to overcompensate sooner, allowing you to set firmer limits and reestablish your own identity. You’ll learn how to hold your ground under pressure and begin to rebuild a life where you’re a person with your own priorities. You get to begin living in a way that reflects who you are, not just what others expect from you.
Individual Therapy for Relationships can help you...
Identify the
Patterns
We'll look at the habits that keep you stuck in the "fixer" role, from covering for others to constantly checking on everyone else's mood.
We'll look at the habits that keep you stuck in the "fixer" role, from covering for others to constantly checking on everyone else's mood.
Set Sustainable Limits
We'll get clear on what is actually your responsibility and what belongs to others. This helps reduce guilt when saying "no" and lessens the sense that you have to be the one to solve every problem.
We'll get clear on what is actually your responsibility and what belongs to others. This helps reduce guilt when saying "no" and lessens the sense that you have to be the one to solve every problem.
Communicate Directly
You'll learn how to state your preferences and needs without waiting for others to offer or notice. Instead of staying in the "agreeable" role to keep the peace, you can move forward with more honesty and less resentment.
You'll learn how to state your preferences and needs without waiting for others to offer or notice. Instead of staying in the "agreeable" role to keep the peace, you can move forward with more honesty and less resentment.
Navigate Disappointment
You'll get better at holding your ground even when others are disappointed or frustrated. Over time, you'll find that you can be a caring person without having to be a resource that's always available for everyone else's use.
Recovery Your Identity
You'll build more awareness of your own wants and goals so you can make choices based on your values. That changes how you show up in conversations, help you stop filtering every decision through other people's expectations.
Reclaim Your Personal Life
Your time outside of work stops being just a period of recovery from "performing" for others. You start having more left to give at the end of the day, and your life begins to feel like more than just output and maintinance.
FAQ
Yes! I work with couples as well. I'm trained on the use of The Gottman Method for couples therapy, which is one of the gold standards for couples work. Be sure to take a look at my couples therapy page for more information.
Do you do couple's therapy?
This irritation is usually a sign that you’re giving more than you receive or are constantly trying to accommodate others at your own expense. In therapy, we work to address this imbalance so you can reconnect with people without the resentment continuing to build.
Why am I so aggrivated with the people I care about?
This work focuses on you as an individual, not on improving a specific relationship or working with both partners. We’ll look at how your habits, beliefs, and boundaries affect your relationships across contexts, and how to change those patterns in ways that feel natural and manageable to you.
How is therapy for relationships different from couple's therapy?
It’s common for others to push back when you change your long standing pattern of being agreeable. We’ll develop the skills you need to stay connected to what’s important and handle their disappointment without feeling like you’ve failed or have lost your value.