You're both trying, but you keep missing each other.
Conversations that used to flow naturally now feel like a minefield.
You rehearse what you're going to say, soften what you really mean, or avoid bringing something up because you already know how the conversation is likely to go.​
The distance is starting to make you feel more like roommates.
You're sharing a home, a schedule, responsibilities, and maybe a family, but the connection between you doesn't feel the same. One of you may reach out and push for a conversation while the other feels overwhelmed and pulls away. Neither of you feels particularly good about the pattern, but you keep ending up there.
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You're bracing for the next comment to land the wrong way.
Even small interactions can carry more weight than they used to. A question sounds like criticism. A sigh feels dismissive. You become defensive before you're even sure what your partner meant.​
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You've found ways to avoid conflict, but they're creating more distance.
You stay quiet to keep the peace. You overexplain because you're desperate to feel understood. You solve the immediate problem without ever really resolving what's underneath it.
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You're exhausted.
Tracking your partner's mood, filtering your own words, recovering from arguments, or avoiding them altogether takes a lot of energy.
You still care about each other.
You just don't want your relationship to keep feeling like this.
Building a relationship that can handle honest conversations
Couples therapy isn't about creating a relationship where no one ever gets angry, frustrated, or hurt. Disagreement is part of being close to another person.
The work is learning how to move through those moments
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Without automatically falling into the same cycle of criticism, defensiveness, withdrawal, or escalation.
We'll slow down what's happening between you enough to understand it.
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What happens right before the argument takes a turn?​
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What is each of you trying to communicate? What does your partner hear instead? ​​
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When does one person start pushing harder while the other begins shutting down?
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Once you can recognize the pattern, you have more opportunity to change what happens next.
What to Expect in Couples Therapy
My role isn't to sit back and watch you have the same argument you have at home.
I'll pay attention to what's happening between you in the room and point it out when I see the familiar cycle starting.
We can slow a conversation down. Occasionally I'll interrupt a pattern that isn't getting either of you where you want to go. I'll ask questions, offer feedback, and help each of you understand what you're contributing to the dynamic.
The goal isn't to decide who's right.
It's to help both of you understand what's happening between you and practice responding differently while we actually have the opportunity to work with it.
The Gottman Method
I have completed Level 1 and Level 2 training in the Gottman Method, an approach to couples therapy informed by decades of research on relationships. The Gottman Method gives us a framework for understanding both the areas of your relationship that are working and the patterns creating disconnection.
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Depending on what your relationship needs, our work may include:
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Identifying Destructive Communication Patterns
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We'll pay attention to patterns such as criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling and work on alternatives that make productive conversation more possible.
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Strengthening the Foundation
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A relationship is more than the way you handle conflict.
We'll also look at friendship, affection, appreciation, shared meaning, and how well you continue to know and respond to each other as your lives change.
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Recognizing Opportunities for Connection
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Small moments matter.
You'll become more aware of the ways each of you reaches for attention, affection, support, humor, or connection, and what happens when those attempts are noticed, missed, or rejected.
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Managing Conflict More Effectively
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Not every disagreement has a perfect solution.
We'll work on how you talk about both solvable problems and the differences that may continue to exist, with less blame and more understanding of each other's perspective.
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Recognizing When You're Overwhelmed
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You'll learn to notice when stress is making productive communication difficult so you can respond before the conversation turns into escalation or shutdown.
Recognize the Cycle
We'll identify the patterns that repeatedly take over your conversations so you can start recognizing them before you're already deep into another argument
Know When You Need a Break
Sometimes you're too overwhelmed to have a useful conversation.
You'll learn to recognize when frustration or stress is making it difficult to listen, think clearly, or communicate well, and how to take a break without using distance as punishment or avoidance.
Rebuild Friendship & Connection
We won't focus only on what happens when things go wrong.
We'll also pay attention to the everyday interactions that create closeness: showing interest, responding when your partner reaches out, expressing appreciation, spending meaningful time together, and remembering how to enjoy each other outside of managing your shared life.
Bring Up Difficult Things More Directly
We'll work on how concerns get introduced so you can talk about what matters without immediately putting the other person on the defensive.
The goal isn't to avoid difficult conversations. It's to make them more productive.
Understand What's Underneath the Reaction
The argument may look like it's about chores, money, schedules, parenting, sex, or whose turn it was to do something.
We'll also pay attention to what those moments mean to each of you: Do I matter to you? Can I count on you? Are you listening? Am I doing this alone?
Understanding what's underneath the argument can change the way you approach it.
Repair After Conflict
Healthy relationships aren't defined by never hurting or disappointing each other.
We'll work on what happens afterward, too, taking responsibility, repairing the interaction, and finding a way back to each other rather than allowing every disagreement to add another layer of distance.
Couples Therapy can help you...
The Gottman Method
I have completed Level 1 and Level 2 training in the Gottman Method, an approach to couples therapy informed by decades of research on relationships. The Gottman Method gives us a framework for understanding both the areas of your relationship that are working and the patterns creating disconnection.
​
Depending on what your relationship needs, our work may include:
​
Identifying Destructive Communication Patterns
​
We'll pay attention to patterns such as criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling and work on alternatives that make productive conversation more possible.
​
Strengthening the Foundation
​
A relationship is more than the way you handle conflict.
We'll also look at friendship, affection, appreciation, shared meaning, and how well you continue to know and respond to each other as your lives change.
​
Recognizing Opportunities for Connection
​
Small moments matter.
You'll become more aware of the ways each of you reaches for attention, affection, support, humor, or connection, and what happens when those attempts are noticed, missed, or rejected.
​
Managing Conflict More Effectively
​
Not every disagreement has a perfect solution.
We'll work on how you talk about both solvable problems and the differences that may continue to exist, with less blame and more understanding of each other's perspective.
​
Recognizing When You're Overwhelmed
​
You'll learn to notice when stress is making productive communication difficult so you can respond before the conversation turns into escalation or shutdown.
You Don't Have to Wait Until You're on the Brink of Ending the Relationship
Couples therapy can be a place to address significant conflict and disconnection. If you both know something about the way you're relating isn't working anymore, that's enough of a place to start.
Start with a free 15-minute consultation. We'll talk about what's been happening, what you're hoping could be different, and whether couples therapy feels like the right next step.
Currently providing online couples therapy throughout Tennessee, Virginia, and North Carolina.
FAQ
No. Many couples start because they notice distance growing or communication becoming harder. Counseling is helpful anytime your patterns start to feel unproductive or emotionally draining, regardless of how "bad" things are.
Do we have to be on the brink of divorce for therapy to help?
No. Some couples come to therapy during a major crisis or when they're questioning whether the relationship can continue. Others come because they've noticed more distance, more frequent conflict, or a pattern they don't want to keep repeating.
You don't have to wait until the relationship is in crisis to work on it.
There isn’t a set timeline. Some couples notice shifts quickly, while others work longer to rebuild their foundation. We’ll regularly check in to make sure the work feels helpful and stays focused on your goals.
How long does couples therapy usually take?
There isn't one timeline that applies to every couple.
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How long you spend in therapy depends on what brings you in, how long the patterns have been happening, what you're hoping to change, and what happens as you begin applying what you're working on outside of sessions.
We'll stay focused on your goals and check in about the progress you're making along the way.
Most couples talk a lot about their problems but end up going in circles. Therapy helps you see why those conversations break down and what’s happening emotionally and physically in those moments. That’s what allows real change to happen.
We've tried talking things through. How is this different?
If talking about it on your own keeps leading to the same argument, having the conversation again probably isn't the missing piece.
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In therapy, we can slow the interaction down and pay attention to how the conversation gets derailed. I'll help you recognize the pattern while it's happening and practice a different way of responding rather than only discussing what went wrong afterward.
No. My job isn't to determine who’s at fault or pick a "winner." I want to help you understand how you’re both contributing to the patterns that keep you stuck and helping you change those habits together.
Will therapy turn into taking sides or deciding who's right?
That's not the goal.
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My role is to understand the relationship dynamic and help both of you see what you're contributing to it. That doesn't mean pretending every behavior is equally helpful or harmful. It means we're focused on what will help the relationship function differently rather than keeping score.
No. If you wanted to argue, you could do that for free at home. I take an active role and will step in to interrupt a cycle if I see it heading toward a shutdown or an explosion. We’re there to practice new ways of talking.
Will you just sit back and watch us argue?
No. Couples therapy with me is active. If I see the same cycle beginning in the room, I'll point it out and help slow things down.
Those moments can actually give us useful information because instead of talking about a pattern that happened three days ago, we have an opportunity to work with it while it's happening.
​That’s a very common dynamic. Therapy helps slow that pattern down so both of you can understand what’s happening instead of feeling blamed or pressured. The goal is to help you respond to each other without keeping that cycle going.
What if one of us talks more and the other shuts down?
That's a common dynamic, and it's something we can work with.
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One person may push harder because they're trying to get a response while the other becomes increasingly overwhelmed and pulls away. The more one pursues, the more the other withdraws, and both people end up feeling unheard.
We'll work on recognizing that cycle and creating more room for both of you to participate.
That’s a fair concern if conversations already feel tense. Therapy is paced carefully so discussions don’t escalate. Most couples improve a great deal. However, sometimes in the process of understanding each other, some couples decide that ending the relationship is the right choice.
What if we're worried that therapy will make things worse?
Talking openly about problems can feel uncomfortable, particularly if you've gotten used to avoiding certain topics because you're afraid of where the conversation will go.
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Couples therapy isn't about provoking conflict for the sake of it. We'll work at a pace that allows us to address difficult issues while paying attention to how the two of you are communicating in the process.