Finding Your True North

Moving Beyond External Validation to Find Your Own Meaning and Fulfillment

In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in chasing approval, whether that’s praise, recognition, or achievement. But when our worth hinges on what others think, it often leaves us anxious, drained, and questioning if we’ll ever be “enough.”

This isn’t about giving up ambition. It’s about shifting where you place your value. Instead of looking to others for validation, this journey is about learning to recognize your own worth from within.

How We Learn to Seek Approval

From the time we’re young, we’re taught to look for affirmation. Caregivers’ praise, grades in school, and acceptance from peers shape our early understanding of success. Over time, this need for external approval can become a cycle that keeps us struggling for validation but never finding satisfaction.

It’s a familiar pattern: pouring time and energy into achievements that look good on the outside but leave us feeling empty inside. Awards, promotions, or compliments can feel good in the moment, but if they aren’t aligned with your deeper values, the fulfillment doesn’t last.

Shifting Toward Internal Validation

Internal validation means recognizing your own value regardless of external recognition. It’s about seeing your experiences, growth, and accomplishments as meaningful because you define them as such.

When you begin validating yourself, your choices naturally align more with your passions and values, the stuff that’s actually important to you. Instead of chasing what looks impressive, you move toward what feels authentic and real. For example, someone might leave a high-status job that never felt fulfilling so they can pursue work that reflects their deeper sense of purpose.

This shift doesn’t just change how you define success. It changes how you live.

Steps-Toward Self-Discovery

1. Reflect on Your Core Values
Ask yourself: What really matters to me? Creativity, connection, growth, stability? Identifying your guiding principles gives you a compass to start moving in a meaningful direction. When your actions reflect those values, your sense of success feels real, grounded, and personal.

2. Set Personal Benchmarks
Once you know your values, create goals that reflect them. If you value well-being, your “success” might look like carving out consistent time for rest or movement, not striving for society’s image of perfection. These benchmarks keep you moving in alignment with what matters most to you, not someone else’s timeline.

3. Practice Self-Compassion
Growth is messy. There will be setbacks. Instead of criticizing yourself, treat mistakes as an exciting part of the process. Acknowledge your effort, notice small wins, and remind yourself that being human means being imperfect. Self-compassion builds resilience and helps quiet the inner critic that loves to feed off external judgment.

Facing the Fear of Judgment

One of the hardest parts of moving away from external validation is letting go of others’ expectations. The fear of judgment can be powerful but addressing it is key to living authentically.

Question the Standards: Do society’s definitions of success, like wealth, status, or appearance, really reflect what you want? Redefining success in your own terms frees you from chasing ideals that don’t fit.

Embrace Vulnerability: Being honest about your struggles or limits isn’t weakness, it’s strength. Vulnerability fosters connection and allows others to meet you with empathy rather than comparison.

Crafting Your Own Definition of Success

At the end of the day, success isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s deeply personal, shaped by your values, your passions, and your growth. The more you let go of outdated standards and lean into what feels true for you, the more fulfillment you’ll find.

Your worth doesn’t come from applause, titles, or comparisons. It comes from being in line with your authentic self.

Your Next Step

It isn’t always easy to resist the pull of external pressures, but you don’t have to navigate this shift alone. Therapy can provide the space and support you need to untangle old patterns and start living by your own compass.

If you’re ready to step away from “not enough” and start defining success on your own terms, let’s take that next step together.

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Not Sure What Your Values Are?

Many people aren't sure what their values are. Maybe the have a general idea that they want to be a good person, but not much more than that. As I established above, knowing your values can help guide your choices and lead to a more fulfilling life. Take a look at the app linked below; it does a great job at helping people get a clearer idea of what their values are.

Personal Values Sort (iOS) Values Card Sort (Website)

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